Letters to Noah March 29, 2022

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My Dear Noah,

It’s been 2 very long years since I told you “ok” and you went to be with God. It’s forever and yesterday at the same time. I miss you with every breath I take. You are the strongest person I’ve ever known and I’m sorry I doubted you. You showed more grace, love, and strength then I’ve ever seen. You, 25 years old with a new baby and somehow you accepted your fate. I could not have done that. I would be fighting, screaming, and mad. I never saw you cry, and I never once heard you say, “Why Me?”. I have said that so many time for you. Why? Why Noah? Why the little boy I waited 10 years for? Why God, why? No answers come though, and I am left with pain I never imagined. The only thing I’m thankful for in all of this is I know you’re in heaven and no longer in pain because you told me so. I promised you I’d be okay, only because I thought God would never take you back, I was so very wrong and I’m sorry I can’t keep that promise. All I can do is try to make you proud. Together, Noah, we are sending babies to camp in your name. To honor you and the amazing soul you are. Everyday I get up and try to fill my day with purpose, but the pain is always there. My heart and soul are shattered, and I will never again be the same person I was. There are some promises I want to make now that I am working hard to keep. Braxton Travis will KNOW you; he will KNOW the love you had for him; he will KNOW how very, very much you wanted him. No matter what Noah, I will make this happen. In losing you, I not only lost a part of me, but I lost people I never in a million years thought would go. But I’ve learned also that it’s ok to let them all go. I’ve also learned that it’s okay that I’m not the same person, nor do I want to be. Noah, I just want you to know above all, that you my love were so very wanted. I loved you with all my being and I still do. I was so very honored to be your mama. You were such an amazing son. You made me proud always. Your love of your country, your friends, and your family was strong, and we felt it deeply. We lost so much, but heaven gained so much. I may not ever be okay, but I promise you changes will be made for grandparents in this state and we will send many, many children to camp in your honor. I love you so very much and 25 years, 5 months, and 3 days was not near long enough to be with you. Rest well my child.

Your Mama

   To my baby brother, You were my rock we did so much together. The world is not the same without your laughter or your sense of humor. Just watching you grow up was the best gift I could have had. I wish I could still crawl into your crib. I was obsessed with you from the moment I met you. Noah you are literally the reason I try and be a good person. You were and always will be the absolute best, person, brother, friend, etc. I love you so much, and you're with me always, not a second goes by where you arent on my mind.  Always your sissy.       Stephie

Oh Noah,you were the first boy I fell in love with, with your little chicken legs and egg shaped head. Then watching you grow up into such a beautiful soul. There was a time in my life that Noah took my child for me when I couldn't have him. We fought our way out and we were going to court to determine if he'd come home. It was on Noah's birthday and I took that as a huge sign that my son was coming home, and he did. There was another time when I was trying to take care of legal things and the first thing I seen when I walked in was NOAH in big capital letters. I know he's watching us from time to time. He was just the funniest guy, so quick with his retorts, biggest heart and best Russian accent and dialog. He had a big heart and his presence and enthusiasm was contagious. I still have no idea why such a beautiful young man with a brand new baby and marriage. His whole life ahead of him until we hit the hell jackpot of cancer. I cry both happy and sad tears for him every day. He loved me and he loved my son.  He was a great little brother and my life will never be the same. 

Your Big Sissy loves you   Amanda

Noah,    Well, kid it’s been a couple years now.  A lot has changed. Pandemic finally waning, Putin starting a war and everyone seems to have stopped being just decent human beings.  Your Mom has struggled with so much, like losing you wasn’t enough. She is a rock star whether she likes to hear it or not. She eats and breathes the Project and it’s coming along so nicely.   The first children go to camp this year, Noah amazing with so many more to come.  As we start this new fundraising season, our focus is luring some new energies into the flock. I hope you can lead a few of your friends to become part of what is destined to be a big success.   Please, stay near, help us keep us moving forward. It’s easy to lose enthusiasm with all that’s wrong with the world. I know you’re cheering us on. Thanks for sending the signs they’re appreciated. Love ya, Sweetie.          Aunt Cartle

Hello Dalena. I don’t know if you remember me but we have met, in passing, a couple times. I’m not sure if I’ve told you how much of a hero Noah is to me. I met him towards the beginning of 2011. I was dating TyLynns brother and both Ty and Noah were around a lot. I stayed friends with Noah even after I broke up with Ty’s brother. We weren’t constant in each other’s lives but we kept in contact. I think it was 2013 or 2014 and I was living in the same house as Noah and some other people. I went to work one day and my friend Emily was watching my kids. My daughter, Skylar, started choking on some cereal. Noah did the Heimlich and literally saved my one year old daughters life. They called me and I made it home in minutes, she was still purple. He saved my little girls life and he will always be so special to me because of that. He is my hero, always and forever. I’ve told my daughter this story and I’ve showed her pictures of Noah on many occasions. Noah will never be forgotten by us. He will always live in our hearts. Alicia Marie 

Amber Tyler I have one that I've never told. Back in Bear Lake elementary, Noah and I rode the same bus in the morning. We were like maybe 7, but anyways he would sit infront of me. My sisters friend came and sat by me and kept poking my forehead and hurting me and Noah turned around, got up and told her to leave me alone. When she got up to go to the back of the bus Noah sat next to me and held my hand and said he would protect me. It's so cheezy and we were so young. When I got to Casman he was way too cool to remember me lol but I thought it was a cute core memory of mine. 

Dear Noah,

I spend a lot of time reminiscing about the simpler times in my life. A big part of those times involved you. When I needed someone to put a smile on my face or a shoulder to lean on you were always there. We could watch MMA fights or listen to music for the entire day without ever worrying about what time it was. Being an adult is something we always talking about doing together, it really isn't fair that I have to do this without you. You still light up the room when we talk about you. You live on through the ones that love you.

Some days I feel like you are just living somewhere far away and I can't afford to visit you yet. I'll miss you every day, until I see you again.

Natalie

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